As it may be obvious by the title, the trend of topics is Bipolar Disorder and Transgender. The use of the word “trend” is purposeful for the definition of “something is developing or changing” vs. “a fashion”. The title, Transpolar, is also purposeful; because of the energy it elicits; it may provoke a variety of emotions but the ultimate immediate reaction is defensiveness. This is because of the dichotomy within both bipolar and transgender.
We desperately seek simplistic understanding and to be understood, but the fault in both desperation and simplicity is that it results to being narrow minded. Therefore, the focus only becomes centered on, “high or low” or “male or female”. But what if we took those options away? Maybe we could understand the actual emotions exhibited and expressed.
Many times, we feel like having a fresh start will make a lot of things better. Theoretically, new and changing environments can make a world of difference, but you can’t run away from everything. For instance, the layouts for franchised stores are similar. It doesn’t matter where you are, Walmarts and CVS’, they will most likely look the same if not identical. So, if something traumatic happens to you and despite the pain you are feeling, you gather yourself up to go get something to eat because you haven’t ate in days; you’re taking that pain with you wherever you choose to go... and it lingers.
Let’s say, you go to Krogers. When you get there, you find yourself blankly staring at the refrigerated pizza and potato salad in the deli section, while smelling the aroma of fresh bread. Now you hate going to Krogers because you feel like it causes you to go back to that traumatic day every time you go shopping. So you move far away and start shopping at HEB to try and avoid a possible trigger but you still find yourself blankly staring in the deli section and smelling the same aromas. The anguish somehow traveled right alongside you even though you were light years away from the original location.
Many times we attempt to skip the process of healing, growth and even happiness. You often hear older adults telling younger adults, “Sit still, enjoy the moment”. One may ask, “How can you enjoy pain, depression or anger?” Which is our immediate narrow-minded reaction that ultimately eliminates the task at hand.
Enjoy the ability to feel the emotion at all. That it’s ever-changing and that you have the power to change it. If we didn’t embody that power, then we wouldn’t have the ability at all.
My last random example is about a cut I had on the side of my right index finger; which I possibly cut it on metal because it felt like a paper cut but was much too deep. Nonetheless, the night I cut myself, I was in a heightened emotional state and didn’t even notice the cut for a good 2 hours. My emotional pain trumped my physical pain (hence the narrow mindedness). Seeing the amount of blood and how deep the cut was, is what eventually made me acknowledge that I was hurt. As soon as I acknowledge it, I couldn’t make the pain go away. I desperately wanted it to be over and as easy as possible. I almost used an entire box of bandaides in one day. I would put one on, it would get messy, and I would throw it away. So I would try to go without it for awhile. But the wound would open back up, start hurting more and look slightly infected; so I would go back to the bandaide system. Eventually, I had to stop and focus on this pain, that I felt should be minute to the rest. I had to be still enough to be aware that I was injured; moreover, I needed to be careful of how I was moving that pain around. Then, Wah-lah, I felt like the pain magically disappeared just by taking a few moments to readjust my behavior and thought process about the current situation.
Life is never how we expect it to go and many times we sulk too long over it. So, when the next emotional curve ball comes around, we acknowledge it and then try to avoid it because we haven’t fully soaked up every ounce of emotion from the last pitch. But it doesn’t matter, the balls keep coming and they orbit around us until we become aware of its existence. Acknowledgement, for its names sake means knowledge, education, facts, etc. This typically can lead, an already narrow mind, to a more narrowed path. In contrast, Awareness, is a state of mind or emotions and facts that you’ve collected to help you cope with the situation at hand, not necessarily understand it.
In the end - Slow down, Be Aware- Facts will never fully explain the emotions that are trying to be expressed.
Out of all of the costumes and all of the guise.
There is one outfit I truly despise.
Wearing the weight of opinions, heavy in lies.
A single thread weaved into knots upon knots that never unties.
It's a trend in fashion that I can not compete.
Please take the atonement I've placed at your feet.
I've given my blood, my bones, and my meat.
But you can not have my soul, that belongs to me.
A swarm of judges circle and meet.
With low blinding hoods, professing to see.
Their borrowed confidence spits through their teeth
"Your compliance is the only thing that can set you free"
Over and over, the whispers continue to repeat.
Conjuring a mindset mantra in complacency
Hoping repitition weakens the spirit and forces belief
That provokes fear and causes retreat
But I am not worried that they've stormed in and found me
I gave them the weight that I once let ground me.
Including the flesh that literally bound me.
Ive detached the thread that tethered and wound me.
I don't need permission to escape swarms that surround me.
For I have given my offering and put my faith in the unknown.
Knowing none of this will matter when we are physically gone.
I am responsible for my spirit, and my spirit alone.
My soul does not comply to the time stamps given and shown
It can not be freed now if I'm trapped later on.
- Cherish Brooks-